Returning to Writing: On Grief and the Decisions That Matter
I've finally published my first blog post in four months. The gap was not because I haven't been working — I have. But writing felt distant. The reason is that my father died August 15th.
The Decision That Mattered
Our last blog post before the break, "Fully Booked: A Fractional CTO Practice Milestone" July 28th, celebrated turning down a lucrative contract because I needed to spend more time with my father. At the time, I wrote about the luxury of being selective with work.
I had no idea how crucial that decision would prove to be.
Because I had cleared my schedule, I was able to spend hours every day during the final month of my father's life. When he passed, I had no regrets about time not spent.
Grief Has No Half Life
One thing that's surprised me is that the grief didn't follow a predictable decay pattern. There's no half-life, no exponential decline. Some days the weight of loss hits unexpectedly.
If you're reading this and dealing with your own loss:
Get help if you need it. Talk to friends, family, professionals. Don't carry the weight alone, and don't feel ashamed about needing support.
Talk about your feelings and your loss. The silence doesn't protect anyone—it just isolates you when you most need connection.
When memories surface, try to remember the joy alongside the sadness. This is the advice I've received that resonates with me the most -- but so far I have failed to exercise it. When grief hits me, I deliberately try to recall a happy moment with my father but all I feel is loss. Work in progress.
Why I'm Writing This
I'm sharing this for a few reasons:
Context: The gap in our posting wasn't about business priorities or content strategy. Life happened, as it does for all of us.
Permission: If you're an entrepreneur struggling to balance work demands with personal needs, you're not alone. Sometimes the "business optimal" choice isn't the human optimal choice.
Hope: Four months later, I'm writing again. The grief hasn't disappeared, but I'm finding my way back to the work that matters to me.
What's Next
We have ideas brewing: more technical deep-dives, thoughts on AI-assisted development, lessons from our fractional CTO practice. The work continues, shaped by but not defined by loss.
Thank you for your patience during this quiet period. And if you're dealing with your own grief—whatever form it takes—remember that healing isn't linear, timelines are arbitrary, and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Don't carry the weight alone.